Elon Musk Cries About His Tears

Elon Musk

Amy Nelson is a contributor for Women@Forbes and shared the following article on Aug. 29, 2018. 

Elon Musk doesn’t want the world to think he cried.  But what’s wrong with crying?

Last week, I wrote about Musk’s now infamous interview with The New York Times in which he reportedly shed tears in speaking about the emotional toll of entrepreneurship. David Gelles wrote the article and shared in a separate Times Insider piece that his conversation with Musk was “one of the most extraordinary interviews of [his] career” because he had never seen an executive “revea[l] such vulnerability.” I applauded and empathized with Musk’s story – and his tears – but shared my conclusion that female executives cannot cry. We are faced with a clear double standard and cannot show up at work like men; like Musk.

For over a week after the initial Times article, media outlets across the globe speculated about Musk’s emotional state. We saw commentary from celebrities and world-renowned journalists, but Musk himself remained silent. That is, until yesterday morning. Berlin-based female founder Tijen Onaran had retweeted my piece, sharing my sentiments on the difficulties women face when showing emotion at work. Perhaps provoked by the title of my Forbes piece, “A Female Founder’s Take on the Tears of Elon Musk,” Musk broke his silence, stating simply: “For the record, my voice cracked once during the NY Times article. That’s it. There were no tears.”

I wrote the article because I respect the honesty and candor Musk showed The New York Times, and I applaud his transparency and vulnerability. Starting a company is hard. Musk is a visionary. He does big things. He wants to change the world. And as far as I understand it, he does it without the help of an executive team by his side.  

There is a double standard that women in leadership face every day. Women in America’s workplaces must walk an almost impossible tightrope of being authentic without being vulnerable, projecting a strong image without being aggressive, and finding a way to be kind, but not meek. Above all, we certainly cannot cry. I could not tell you the number of times I’ve felt the dreaded choke-up rising in my throat at work. Each time, I’m reminded of Tom Hanks shouting “There’s no crying in baseball” at his team in A League of Their Own. For women, this sentiment remains very true.

Musk had options with his response to the media swirl and my article. He could have remained silent or he could have embraced this moment as part of  a much larger conversation. He could have replied, “Yes, I cried,” and given reasons why any reasonable adult could be emotional given the stress of running a successful company. (And why not? We all watched him tearing up on 60 Minutes.)

But Musk elected to tell his millions of followers that he wasn’t as emotional as The New York Times reported. Is crying really so bad? I’ve read dozens of articles over the years about Musk shouting at his employees, yelling at journalists, calling a recent critic a slur, and countless other instances of aggression. I’ve also heard stories of other male executives, Jeff Bezos and Steve Jobs come to mind, who have hurled insults and lost their temper. And while I’ve never heard or read Musk, Bezos, or Jobs denying those actions, it highlights the fact that if a male executive acts aggressively it’s accepted as part of his management style. It just comes with the package. Crying and anger are very much the same; they are both expressions of emotion, or if looked at another way they both reflect the loss of control of emotion. Is it that we lionize one – anger – and condemn the other because it’s seen as feminine?

I don’t know the answer, but I think it’s worth asking the question: If we can’t show our true emotional selves in the workplace and the companies we’re running, how can we possibly succeed?  Women cannot cry because we will be seen as weak.  We cannot yell because we’ll hear the whispers about our sharp elbows or be called a bitch. How can we possibly get across this tightrope alive?

I’d love to know why Musk waded into the conversation simply to deny his tears. I suppose the best way to find out is to tweet him today.

Want to learn more about what the future of work looks like? Sign up for a free day pass to any of The Riveter’s five locations.

[Photo Credits] CHICAGO, IL – JUNE 14: Engineer and tech entrepreneur Elon Musk of The Boring Company listens as Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel talks about constructing a high speed transit tunnel at Block 37 during a news conference on June 14, 2018 in Chicago, Illinois. Musk said he could create a 16-passenger vehicle to operate on a high-speed rail system that could get travelers to and from downtown Chicago and O’hare International Airport under twenty minutes, at speeds of over 100 miles per hour. (Photo by Joshua Lott/Getty Images)  Share this: